To survive, everyone has to have a relationship with time; that is, we realize that time is a factor that we need to consider in living our lives with some order, predictability and reliability.  We forget sometimes that time is simply a construct; it isn’t something that we can hold onto or alter.  As they say, time marches on, no matter what is happening in our lives.  But I think that a closer look at time and how we relate to it can liberate us from its limitations and help us go through life with more grace and happiness.

Friend or Foe?

            Although most of us use time to help us structure and design our days, we often see time as a source of frustration.  For some, there is never enough time to do what we want to do.  At other times, we might have too much time on our hands, and we feel listless or bored.  When we feel stressed or unhappy, time is often the culprit of our woes.  If you think about time, how often do you feel as if you have just the right amount of time to get things done leisurely and without other pressures?  Most of the time we probably feel that there is rarely the “right amount” of time. So time becomes our enemy, the source of our resentment and dissatisfaction.

            At the same time, time is a tool that gives order to our lives.  Time helps us decide when to get up in the morning.  We use it to help us determine what it will take to run an errand, complete a task, work, rest, visit and sleep.  When we don’t have a healthy relationship with time, however, we feel that “time runs us.”  We blame time for our stress, uneasiness and frustrations.  But is time really the culprit?

Time as Enemy

            So when we wrestle with the issue of time, is time really the issue?  I know a really talented woman; she is not only artistic, but she loves to cook, do things for friends, engage in social activities and she works very hard.  And she never has enough time; she becomes very frustrated when she can’t do everything she wants to do.  As she gets older, it becomes even more difficult to do all these things.  Time, however, is not her enemy; she is her enemy.  If you point out to her that she is probably trying to do too many things, she will agree with you—and then reiterate that she doesn’t know what she’d be willing to give up.  So she struggles daily with time, and refuses to make choices.  As long as time is her enemy, she doesn’t have to make choices.  And this talented, loving person is also frustrated and stressed with her life.

            Do you see time as your enemy?  You might want to consider all the things you refuse to give up—whether you keep doing them out of a sense of responsibility, guilt, habit, enjoyment, pleasing others or even being a martyr.  The wonderful fact, though, is that you can make the choice to always have too much going on.  I hope you’ll contemplate that fact:  you are making that choice.  And you might also consider the price you pay and the impact of your choice on others.

Time as Friend

            For those of us who manage time pretty well, we find that time can be our friend in many cases.  We breeze through our days, knowing how to juggle activities if we find ourselves with a lack or abundance of time.  Time provides a framework for getting through the day, and on the surface, we are pleased with our time management skills.

            We don’t realize, however, that we creative time managers can struggle with time, too.  We have our own set of prejudices related to time.  We may think that doing things quickly is a good thing to do (although speed is not always beneficial).  We may be inflexible about deadlines or schedules, and be less than forgiving with those who don’t manage time as well, such as arriving late for appointments or missing milestones.  We might expect others to work at our speeds.  Or when we don’t meet our artificial expectations for time (like when we have ideas about how fast we should be completing koans!) we become frustrated and discouraged, and can even project those feelings onto others.  So even if we manage time well, we can find that we’ve allowed time to become a negative factor in our lives.

Prisoner or Partner?

            In order to develop a healthy relationship with time, it’s helpful to remember over and over again that time is simply a construct.  We can continue to over-commit to time, and also realize that’s a choice.  We can set up artificial time demands on ourselves, and that’s a choice, too.  If you want to feel like a prisoner to time, you can act either way.  If instead you want to be a partner with time, you can commit to making conscious choices that allow you to be fluid with time, making sensible choices.  Let go of actions that imprison and restrict you; allow yourself time to just breathe; and set aside time to let yourself simply experience life unfolding, peacefully and with grace.