“You may love the word God or prefer another term; you may think of God as nameless or assign a name such as Allah or Hashem; you may conceive of God as formless or embodied in a figure such as Jesus or Mary or Krishna or Avalokiteshvara . . . you may see God as immanent or transcendent, as within you or outside of you or both within and without, as an active player in human life or as a creator who has left us to our own devices. All such differences merely give shape to our individual tasks, but the goal in every case is the same: to make peace with the Ultimate.” –Harold Bloomfield and Philip Goldberg, Making Peace with God

The language of religion and spirituality is loaded. It is a fundamental vehicle for us to express our devotion to, and understanding of, our spiritual paths, but when we step outside of our own paths (however eclectic or focused they may be), we often run into conflicts with others whose language is different from our own.

My own spiritual language tends to be fairly eclectic. I often refer to God in multiple ways, because the complexity and richness of describing God in many different ways reflects my own beliefs around the impossibility of truly understanding or nailing down just what God “is.” Recently I was facilitating a workshop, however, when I discovered how serious the issue of “loaded language” is. I wasn’t surprised that there were different interpretations or meanings ascribed to the word “spiritual,” but rather the intensity of people’s reactions to those differences. It became clear that some people were disturbed by the fact that different people defined words in different ways, and those differences were not an area of exploration, but rather of tension and conflict.

Loaded Language

What also surprises me in my exploration of spiritual language is not just the conflicts that different words cause, but also the huge range of words that elicit strong reactions: God, meditation, mystic, salvation, prayer, non-attachment, intimacy, are just a few. Most if not all of these words can be defined in many ways, but people often see other people’s definitions (that are different from their own) as narrow and inflexible. Of course, if we see others’ definitions of spiritual words as inflexible and unacceptable, what does that say about our own viewpoint?

The Cause for Loaded Language

I think there are many reasons for conflicts over spiritual language. Although it is tempting to label others whose definitions are different than ours as “wrong,” I wonder if the conflict is really about our wanting our own choice of words to be right (making the other person wrong). Also, our history regarding religion and spirituality (positive history versus negative history), our temperaments, and our attachment to the language of our traditions may also color the way we respond to differences in definitions. Are we doomed to have ongoing conflicts with people of different traditions when it comes to spiritual language?

Opportunities for Exploration

I encourage you to see differences in language as an opportunity to learn, to build trust and rapport, and to expand your own spiritual worldview. I spoke recently to a very nice man who felt strongly that his path was the only true path, and he was uncomfortable talking about it. Unfortunately we met at a workshop I was teaching, so it was difficult to pursue a lengthy conversation. But if I’d had more time, I would have loved to talk with him about his views and the language that describes his path. What would have mattered was the following:

1) I wasn’t interested in his changing his mind in any way; I would have wanted him to know that however he felt was just fine. 2) I was interested in understanding his point of view, how he felt and the reasons he felt that way. 3) I wanted to explore his way of thinking with genuine curiosity, so that I could find some area of comfort with his defensiveness and commitment, without making it bad or wrong. 4) I wanted to see if any areas of similarity in language arose from our discussion, without expectations that they would emerge. 5) I wasn’t interested in his accepting or even tolerating my use of language. I was only interested in building trust and communication, and increasing my own understanding of his viewpoint and word choice. Fortunately I have had many opportunities to explore words and their meanings in the area of religion and spirituality. Rather than expect others to adopt my words and their definitions, I’ve found it fun and intriguing to investigate words and their meanings, because it strengthens my willingness to explore and grow in my own practice. The next time you meet someone whose spiritual language is different from yours, consider taking the path of curiosity and exploration. You may learn a lot.

To hear Susan discuss her book, The Deepest Spiritual Life, call BookTalk toll free at 888-355-0600, code #2677.

Calendar of Events

I will be discussing and signing my book, The Deepest Spiritual Life, at the following stores:

May 22, 2003, Barnes & Noble, 10775 Westview Parkway, San Diego, CA, (858) 831-0446

May 29, 2003, Barnes & Noble, 5150 “O” Street, Lincoln, NE, 3:00 pm, (402) 466-7122

May 30, 2003 Borders Books & Music, 7201 Dodge Street, Omaha, NE, 7:00 pm, (402) 393-5576

June 10, 2003, Barnes & Noble, 731 N. San Fernando Blvd., Burbank, CA, 7:30 pm, (818) 558-1155