My Own Small Talk

            Over the last two years, I’ve been engaged in quite a bit of small talk.  For example, when I work out at the gym and step on a treadmill, I always smile and greet the people on either side of me.  Sometimes I’m ignored, but more often than not people say hello in return, and share a smile.  There is one African-American fellow, tall and lean, who is on oxygen and walks quite slowly.  One day when I stepped on the treadmill next to him, smiled and said hello, I also felt inclined to ask how he was.  Rather than answer with an insincere “fine,” he said “not so good today.”  I looked into his eyes and said, “I hope the day gets better for you.”  He brightened a bit and said, “Me, too.”  It was a sweet, brief moment when we connected, and every time I’ve seen him after that, I always ask him how he is, and I know he’ll be candid with me.  However he feels, the exchange is always warm and intimate.

A Prelude to Understanding

            I’ve discovered that small talk provides opportunity.  Whether we talk about the weather, how we feel, the state of the landscaping in our development, our aches and pains, and changes in the greater community, we have a chance to connect with each other.  A door has been cracked open, and if we experience sufficient rapport, we might talk about our kids, or how frightening the thunderstorms can be in Florida, or how we are becoming increasingly aware that our lives, though rich, are gradually slipping away.  Our bodies are becoming more fragile, we feel vulnerable at the report of a tropical storm approaching the east coast, and we worry about friends who are ill.

Reflecting on Our World Views

            Small talk also tells people how we see the world.  I notice that there are certain people who frequently share how things go wrong, how they feel helpless and alone.  There are those who feel betrayed by life, miserable in their circumstances, and experience little joy or gratitude.  These folks mirror how much misery there is in the world, and can also remind us of how fortunate we are:  how perspective, no matter what our circumstances, determines whether we are primarily happy in life or not.  It’s also a deep practice to be with unhappy people, to see if we can accept how misery can color our lives just as happiness can, and that it too is perfect, just as it is.

Planting Seeds

            So small talk can be just small talk:  picking flowers and letting them float on the breeze.  Or it can be planting seeds, and the degree to which we choose to water and fertilize them with others determines whether they will grow into something stronger and more vital.  Some seeds bear flowers that are delicate and temporary.  Still other flowers become fragrant and abundant and blossom for a very long time.  And other seeds will grow into sturdy trees that last lifetimes.  Silk flowers show up whole and complete, and neither grow nor change, but we can appreciate them just as they are.  Regardless of how small talk begins or ends, every conversation is temporary yet perfect, just as it is. Even the silk flower will someday disintegrate and disappear.  So we can enjoy the seeds of small talk as they show up in our lives, whether they flourish or not, as long as we can.