Cultivating Compassion

“Our world is by definition a grimy, flawed, and broken place; it is subject to decay and riddled with death. If it were otherwise, it would be indistinguishable from the timeless perfection of Paradise and would forfeit its separate existence. Yet with all its deformities it can be rendered transparent, and perfection can be discerned behind its shapes and patterns; it can also be loved in a way that turns its flaws themselves into objects of redeeming compassion.” --Huston Smith, Forgotten Truths

These are difficult times—we face the realities of death every day, not because we want to, but because it sits calmly at the edge of our beds, watching us as we wake up in the morning, glares at us from the front page of our newspapers, and greets us at the doorstep as we begin our work day. What frightens me the most, however, is not the “outside enemy,” but the enemy we make of each other. As the war in Iraq progresses, and the fragility of our own daily lives becomes clearer, the rhetoric has continued as people choose sides. Name calling, labels pasted, accusations made, threats implied between those who support war and those who protest it. Vast amounts of energy are expended to make “the other side” look evil or unpatriotic, materialistic or ignorant, aggressive or passive, arrogant or naïve. The efforts to communicate are not motivated from a place of curiosity or a desire to understand another’s perspective; they are motivated by fear and judgment, a desire to be right and make the other person wrong, and an assuredness that terrible wrongs are being committed (no matter which side you are on).

Recently I was facing my own fears and frustrations about the intensification of the rhetoric. I was sure that my own position was correct and the other was wrong, that I was thinking clearly and the other side was biased, that I was knowledgeable and the other side was misinformed. But when I looked carefully into the stand I was taking, I realized that the other person and I were doing basically the same thing. We were operating from our own values and beliefs systems (which are wildly different in particular areas); that the “facts” we were quoting were out there—in the media, on the internet, in the gossip—and if we were required to give our sources, we’d probably be hard pressed to say precisely who our sources were and whether or not they were “reliable." What was the value in my realizing what I was doing? It helped me step back down the ladder of my own rhetoric and realize that there was another phenomenon happening underneath all the words: fear. Fear of being wrong…..fear of being misunderstood….fear, ultimately, of death.

I’m not interested at this writing to change anyone’s point of view regarding the war. That’s one reason I’m not stating my own views, although some of you know me well enough to know where I stand. What I am doing is asking you, given where we are right now, to ask yourself if you are, without question or reservation, sure that you are completely correct in your views and that anyone who doesn’t believe as you do is completely wrong. My next question is, are you willing to take a deep breath and cultivate compassion for yourself (given that much of your stand might be coming out of your own fear) and for others who don’t see the world situation as you do?

If you’re willing to give this a try, here are some things that I’ve thought about as I investigate and try to determine how substantial and reasonable (both important concerns for me) my own point of view is:

- I have already started to determine whether my own sources for facts come from what I consider to be reliable sources.

- I try to see others, who see the situation differently, as myself: afraid, devastated by daily events, feeling helpless.

- I work each day to embrace the unknown, and try to increase my ability to at least tolerate, if not welcome, ambiguity.

- I search for common ground when I have the courage to engage in dialogue with others who don’t see the situation as I do.

- I continually seek to understand the point of view of others, as we go down this path.

- I struggle to let go of the need to convince others with different viewpoints that I am right and they are wrong, particularly since this only cultivates hostility and resistance.

- I spend moments each day facing my fear of death, or dying in a horrible way.

I pray that we may find a way to truly understand each other, even if we never agree with each other. I pray that we don’t add to the violence by violently attacking others through our words and actions. I pray that through the events of the last few months, and for the many months ahead, that we can all be role models for clarity, integrity, compassion, and understanding.

To hear Susan discuss her book, The Deepest Spiritual Life, call BookTalk toll free at 888-355-0600, code #2677.

Calendar—please tell your friends

Phil Goldberg’s book signing, discussing his new book, Roadsigns: Navigating Your Path to Spiritual Happiness, Sat. April 12^th, Los Angeles. Bodhi Tree Bookstore, 8585 Melrose Ave, 7:30 pm. 310-659-4428

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