What do you aspire to in your spiritual life?  There are those who say that aspiration is ego-inspired, that we should simply be with spirit, moment by moment.  From another perspective, though, what does it mean to be passionate about learning, growing and deepening in our relationship to spirit and to our life?  Will these experiences happen without effort, or does it make sense to “aspire” to these qualities?  Well, it depends.  I’d like to explore the idea of aspiration, what it’s meant for me, the places I get stuck and the places where aspiration has helped me.

 

What is Aspiration?

            For me, aspiration is my motivation to stretch myself and grow, to know more deeply what it means to practice Zen, to loosen my grasp on attachment, and to relate to others more freely and with compassion.  By examining my life over the last 15 years, I know for certain that my life has changed in many wondrous ways, and I truly believe that my efforts to grow have helped me appreciate my life more deeply.  My aspiration manifests as focusing on spirit with determination and openness in every aspect of my life (that is, when I’m not busy being stuck!)  There are clearly times when aspiration does not serve me or others well.

 

Unhealthy Aspiration

            There are endless places to get stuck when I aspire in spirit, because I think it’s nearly impossible to aspire without the ego.  I can say to myself, from the perspective of no-self, “Who’s aspiring?”  But from my everyday life experience, I know very well that I am aspiring.  I simply try to notice when my ego gets overly involved in my efforts.  After all, there is nowhere to go and nowhere else to be other than right in this moment, right here—typing this newsletter, listening to the plane pass overhead, hearing a car drive by.  One particular place where I get stuck in aspiration is in “time.”  This happens when I feel like I’m taking too long to clarify a koan, or I’m pre-occupied with “getting somewhere” in my practice.  I am a very time-oriented person, and also very goal-oriented, so I have lots of experience wrestling with time and getting things done.  It’s also a wonderful place to get stuck, in that I can practice with time not only in terms of my Zen practice, but in my life in general:  wanting to finish reading a book, wishing it was time for the next retreat, wanting to get an answer to a question.  All these are areas where I wrestle with time.  Whenever I struggle with aspiration in my practice, I try to face it head-on, because that struggle shows up in other areas of my life, and causes my own suffering and the suffering of others.

            Other places where you might get stuck is in wanting to “make progress” in your practice, whatever that means to you.  Or getting caught up in the idea that accomplishing something makes you special.  Or wanting to duplicate a special experience from your prayer or meditation.  All of these examples are places where we fall into unhealthy aspiration—and are juicy places to practice.

 

Healthy Aspiration

            You might say, “If there are so many places to get stuck, why would you have aspirations at all?”  Every person I know has aspirations of some kind.  If you think you avoid aspirations, then you more than likely have an aspiration not to have an aspiration!  It’s almost inescapable.  Assuming you see the truth in that statement, there are ways to keep working with aspiration in a healthy way.  One of the most important is to notice when you are really attached to some kind of spiritual goal.  Then take a few deep breaths.  Depending on where you are stuck in aspiration, you might remember there’s nowhere to go, nowhere to be, other than where you are right now.  You might consider working with a teacher.  I’m extremely blessed to have a teacher who does an excellent job of reminding me when I’m stuck in aspiration.  Reflect on your overall spiritual journey, and remember the cliché, it’s all about the journey, not the destination.  And finally, after taking that sweet deep breath, allow gratitude to arise.  For you are one of the lucky ones who knows that there is a spiritual path, and it’s worthy of your aspiration!