Thailand is one of the most intriguing and exotic countries in the world.  My husband and I had the opportunity to travel there for three weeks for the fourth time, and although there was much that seemed familiar, it was a magical, new and enriching experience.  As we began our travels through central and northern Thailand, I became increasingly aware of my strong tendency to compare Thai culture, values and beliefs to my own Western set of expectations and preferences.  I was fascinated to observe how frequently I would notice differences, and realized that my thinking was a delightful opportunity to look at my thought process from a spiritual perspective.

 

            Two instances allowed me to study my relationship with the Thai people and their beliefs.  The first one was when our tour guide and friend, Maggi, explained that in Thailand, at meals people don’t ask each other to pass a dish that may be out of reach.  If you ask the other person to “pass the potatoes,” the request will be taken as an insult, as an effort to treat the other person as a servant!  So a person reaches as far as he or she needs to rather than bother or insult someone else.  In our culture I’ve learned, of course, to ask another person to “please pass the potatoes,” since reaching across others (unless I’m with my family!) is considered rude.  I was amused as I thought about how we can interpret a simple act of dining as inconsiderate, based on what are really arbitrary norms of behavior.  The very next day we attended a cooking class with the owner of a restaurant; as we sat down to eat the yummy results of our culinary creativity, our teacher, Tukkuta, stretched all the way across the table to reach a dish.  I couldn’t help smiling as I realized the beliefs behind her action, and felt a sweet appreciation of the simple ways we choose to honor and respect each other.

 

            Later in our trip we visited the Pedonc tribe, which is a group of Long Neck people originally from Burma.  They are farming people, high up in the Thai mountains at the end of a curving and distant road.  The people sustain themselves by eating and selling the food they grow, and by selling woven articles and typical tourist fare.  The most notable characteristic about the Long Neck women is that many of them wear rings around their necks; if they choose to wear the rings (and it’s not required or expected), they begin very young and as they get older and their necks stretch, they add more rings.  On the one hand, I know there are people that elevate these tribes, honoring them for their simple ways of life, a non-materialistic and peaceful existence.  I, on the other hand, could only imagine the crude and primitive nature of their lives, where women distort their natural beauty and live the most basic and naïve levels of existence.  When the moment came to visit the first Pedonc woman, however, I experienced a transformation of my perception:  I looked into the gentle eyes of this Pedonc woman and I took in all of her.  I saw beauty and gentleness, an existence that it is nearly impoverished by our standards, yet one that this woman embraces.  We looked at each other and smiled, woman-to-woman, person-to-person.  For one moment, we were not separate; the chasm that I had created through my biases and beliefs vanished.

 

            When I am faced with my own “comparing mind,” I find it amazing that when I simply bring my attention to it, beliefs and expectations, elevating and denigrating, can disappear.  I can begin to appreciate that all of my life experiences and ideas are essential for me to survive and thrive in this world.  But those moments when I can simply let them go—no evaluating, judging, or comparing—and appreciate what is simply in front of me, I experience the gift of “not-two.”