Sending Healing Thoughts

Endurance, cleanliness, strength, purity

Will keep our lives straight

Our actions only for a good purpose

Our words will be truth,

Only honesty shall come from our interaction will all things.

 –from the Lakota Sioux Sweat Lodge Ceremony

           Many times over the last couple of months I’ve heard that many of my friends and their families are suffering from physical illness, disappointing surgical recoveries, mental illness and other frustrating and frightening maladies.  I’ve found myself desiring to be able to do something for them; I am, after all, a person of action.  Many times, however, there is nothing obvious that I can do.  So I’ve spent a great deal of time thinking about ways I can be helpful nonetheless.  I’d like to share some of those thoughts with you.

 

What Not to Do

The last thing most people need is your advice.  Trust me on this.  Although you might feel compelled to tell them what they could, should, or might do, you generally only “put salt in their already painful wounds” by offering advice.    If like me you feel you need to offer advice (and remember this may be more about your compulsion to tell them than their need to know), be prepared to let go of your disappointment when they reject your advice, no matter what their reasons.  They’ve probably already had several other people tell them the same thing, or have done significant research on their own.

 

What You Can Do

If you live near the person, a visit is almost always a precious gift.  Many of us, however, live far from those who are suffering.  Here are ways you can help, even if you aren’t living nearby—

 

            -  Bear witness:  be willing to listen to their struggles, frustrations and hurts.  When it’s too much for you, take responsibility for centering yourself by breathing deeply; if that doesn’t work, take a break until you have the strength to listen some more.  Many times people who are suffering have no one to talk to, especially if they are dying.  Ask yourself whether you are a person who can bear witness to their suffering.  By being fully present, reflecting on their comments, asking gentle, probing questions if they seem receptive, you can offer the gift of your friendship and deep compassion.

 

            -  Offer prayers:  although a recent study suggested that prayer from a distance doesn’t help, I know many people in the medical field say that prayer can be enormously helpful for those who are suffering (and probably for you, too).  At the suggestion of my Zen teacher, I often ask myself what I’m praying for:  am I asking for a miracle?  It may be that the greater universe can’t offer healing in the typical way we think of it, such as recovering from mental illness, overcoming a terminal disease, or curing chronic pain.  So what can I pray for?—

 

            -  Send serenity:  although others may not be able to heal the way we might wish them to, we can send our wishes to them for serenity, for ways to come to peace with their pain, or for the strength and equanimity to appreciate their lives, whatever their limitations.   And if they can’t find serenity, then we can continue to bear witness to their suffering, as painful as that might be for us, just as it unfolds, each time we are with them.  You may not have anything that you need to do; the greater challenge is whether you are willing to simply be with them.