Mining the Depths

    Do you sometimes feel distant from others, even in your most intimate moments?  Are you able to recognize and own your role in keeping yourself apart?  And are you willing to do something about it?

    Recently some of us from an organization I’m deeply involved with, the Forge Guild, (a group of spiritual leaders, teachers and writers) were tasked with the goal of determining how others can go deeply with each other.  In thinking about this task, I realized that it is a spiritual endeavor, where we not only allow ourselves to be authentic and vulnerable, but where we help create a space where others intuit that they are invited to take these steps.  We also invite in the divine to fill that space and our beings with humility, warmth, humor and compassion.  I realize, though, that there are other conditions that facilitate our going more deeply with each other.  And I’d like to share those with you…

Intention

    For a group of people to share deeply with each other, we need to have a genuine intention to allow ourselves to be open and vulnerable, to be willing to discover new things about ourselves, to be willing to own our paradoxical qualities of resistance to and desire for the process, and be willing to put aside our biases and judgments as they arise.  We’ll want to be curious, ask questions to clarify and explore rather than judge.

The Space

    Wherever we choose to have this conversation, we benefit from creating sacred space.  We can do this by creating ritual such as candle lighting, a blessing, a statement of intention, and silence.  We can invite in Presence or Wisdom or the Divine by some of its many names to create a space that supports authenticity, vulnerability, curiosity and love.  The idea is to create a setting that takes us out of everyday competitiveness, fear and dissension.

Topic

    We can either see what sharing comes out of our midst, allowing the conversation to unfold in its own way.  Or we can choose a topic that deeply connects all of us.  For example, why not talk about the human condition?  It’s a subject that not only talks about how we see others, but how we see ourselves as part of the human race.  We could ask some of the following questions:

            - How would you describe the overall human condition?

            - What is the truth about most human beings?

            - What are generally the strengths of human beings?

            - What are the limitations?

            - Does this picture of human beings, of the human condition, describe you?  Why or why not?

            - How do you offer yourself in a way that helps mend the human condition?

You don’t need to explore a topic, but it’s one that can engage not only the mind, but the heart, in a way that speaks to everyone.  We create comfort and safety by seeing ourselves as part of the universal whole, and then opening up to our own person truth.  We can flow back and forth with the collective wisdom of the cosmos, and our own internal workings, with the group exploration and with our own personal questioning.  Allowing the spaciousness of unlimited reflection and inquiry nourishes the process.

    As the group explores together, all expressions are honored.  There are no right answers.  In fact, “not knowing” at any given time is acceptable; waiting for understanding to emerge, while we listen deeply to each other, is another way to honor each other and the sacred.

Coming to Rest

    I like to call this part “resting” rather than “concluding” because it suggests the experience we’ve had together has come to a rest, and will continue in some form as we continue our work together.  The experience builds the trust, interconnectedness and ability to speak from our truth, anytime we come together.  In one sense the activity is over, but our going deep together will never end.

In addition to her spiritual practices, Susan R. Quinn of the Quinn Company has been an independent consultant and trainer since 1978.  She specializes in facilitation of problem solving for teams and groups in conflict.  She is certified to train using the DiSC Personal Profile System.  Her other best-received training programs are “Dealing with Difficult People,”  “Managing Conflict,” and “Learning to Live in the Eye of the Hurricane.”  She also offers values clarification workshops and strategic planning services in partnership with her husband, Jerry.  To subscribe to her business ezine, go to www.thequinncompany.com.  You can reach Susan at the Quinn Company, 246 Via Presa, San Clemente, CA  92672, (949) 366-5890, or email susan@thedeepestspirituallife.com.