Making Yourself Known

I am not suggesting that everyone we know or meet should hear about what is in our cup.  To the contrary, it would be tactless, unwise, and even dangerous to expose our innermost being to people who cannot offer us safety and trust.  That does not create community; it only causes mutual embarrassment and deepens our shame and guilt.  But I do suggest that we need loving and caring friends with whom we can speak from the depths of our heart.  Such friends can take away the paralysis that secrecy creates.  They can offer us a safe and sacred place, where we can express our deepest sorrows and joys, and they can confront us in love, challenging us to a greater spiritual maturity.—Henri Nouwen, Can You Drink the Cup?

 

    Henri Nouwen was a Roman Catholic priest, university professor, writer and lecturer who also worked with the handicapped during his lifetime.  One of the characteristics that I loved most about Nouwen was his commitment to his friendships and his devotion to God.  His willingness to share his deepest thoughts and struggles in his books always touched me, and reminded me of the power of relationships and letting ourselves be known.

In a society that celebrates independence, we aren’t encouraged to develop deep relationships.  We also lead busy lives, which makes saving time for friends very difficult.  With all these barriers to developing deep friendships, we can justify remaining solitary and private.

 

    >From a spiritual perspective, however, we may be limiting our opportunities to grow, because spirituality in many respects is about relationship. Spirituality is not only about how we relate to ourselves (self-love, appreciation and growth), and to the divine; we are also called to practice with spirit in relationship with others.

 

    What does “making yourself known” mean?  You’ll notice that Nouwen doesn’t say we should tell everyone everything about ourselves.  Making yourself known means that when you find yourself mutually connecting with another person, consider that an opportunity to nurture a friendship; over time, where you both learn to test the waters of sharing intimately about your lives, the friendship will mature and provide a haven, a space, an appreciation of the joys of relationship.  You’ll also become aware of the sense of the sacred in your exchanges and the presence of spirit in your coming together.  Through the difficult, confusing, celebratory and thoughtful times, making yourself known allows you to be genuinely heard, understood, comforted and encouraged.  In the openness of these experiences, and your willingness to be vulnerable, you create more space for spiritual energy to be more present in your life.  And of course you enrich the lives of those who are blessed with your friendship, as you make yourself available and present to their lives.

 

    At the same time, each friendship is different.  There are those people whom you might see on a regular basis.  There are others with whom you can only connect with periodically due to the demands in both your lives.  But when you come together, the divine is also invited in to create an atmosphere of sacredness and intimacy.

 

    Every relationship we nurture can be both strong and yet fragile, however.  Sometimes we find that we are not as compatible as we thought.  Sometimes a trust is violated.  Sometimes the demands on one’s life are too great to maintain the connection.  For all these reasons, friendships may come to a natural end or be brought to an end, and all your mutual “knowingness” seems to go with that person, to disappear, or even to be wasted.  You may experience a sense of loss, betrayal, disappointment and hurt.  At the same time, in the times you spent together, where you both made yourselves known, something special, sacred was created.  The thoughts, dreams and hopes that you shared went into the energy of the universe through your revelations to one another.  You learned countless lessons about vulnerability, listening deeply, and opening your heart.  And regardless of how things turned out, you allowed for spirit to manifest in the offerings you made to each other.  Those were offerings you made not just to each other, but to a world that needs to experience the energy of relationship, opening and love.  And that energy doesn’t die, but may manifest in another person whose heart is yearning to know what it means to make oneself known.