That it can so endure

The accent of a coming Foot,

The opening of a Door!

                                --Emily Dickinson

    We are all vulnerable.  Few of us who desire to be spiritually awake can get through a day without being reminded of how vulnerable we all are:  to global terrorism, to dangers on the freeway, to hurts, disappointments and growing older.  We strive to protect ourselves from our inevitable vulnerability as human beings, while knowing at some level that there is no safe place and someday we are going to die.  On some days I’m especially aware of how vulnerable I am.  My realizations move me to protect myself from others, create safe places to be, and to try to hold back the aging process through exercise and good eating habits.  But more and more often, as I pursue spirit with commitment and persistence, I’ve begun to realize more helpful ways to work with my own vulnerability and my feelings about it.  And I’ve been moved to connect with spirit more deeply within the process.

    First, I’ve touched into how vulnerable I feel in all kinds of settings.  I realize that in every interaction with another person I make myself vulnerable to judgment, criticism, and rejection.  I also realize that allowing myself to be vulnerable allows me to be more intimate with others, to share life’s experiences—its joys, sorrows, surprises, and teachings.  So I try to notice not only when I feel vulnerable, but how I respond to it as well.  Just noticing my response opens all kinds of possibilities for stretching and connecting to others.

    Second, I don’t make any of my reactions to my feelings of vulnerability right or wrong.  It’s neither “bad” to distance myself from others, nor is it “good” to open up to others.  My reactions simply are what they are.  The distancing reaction may separate me from others, causing me to be isolated and alone.  Maybe there are productive reasons for doing that:  maybe I need reflection time, time to collect my energy, time to be still.  On the other hand, maybe I just want to avoid someone or play it safe.  At other times I may stay engaged with another person and feel the closeness and bonding that comes with my effort.  At other times I may stay engaged and get into an argument and hurt another person as well as myself.  Whether I engage or disengage, labeling my behaviors “good” or “bad,” only feeds my fear or compromises my well-being.  Better to simply notice what’s going on, what is productive, and perhaps most important, what builds relationship.  The spaciousness around witnessing my behavior allows me to learn and grow and live my life in more loving and conscious ways.

    Third, when I’m feeling vulnerable, I can physically/bodily move into that experience instead of pushing it away.  I sometimes withdraw or fight others in an effort to protect myself and feel safe.  If I move into vulnerability, allowing myself to fully experience feeling vulnerable, I find that vulnerability, like most of my emotions, is transient and eventually disappears.  Although it feels solid and heavy and dangerous (depending on my particular experience), it is impermanent like everything else in my life.  So when I feel afraid, and I look into the nature of fear, I find that whatever is occurring mostly disappears and I am simply left with a new, complete moment filled with possibility.

    Finally, vulnerability offers us spiritual opportunities.  When we learn that we can work with vulnerability (as we can work with any of our experiences), we find that we are not the vulnerability itself, but that it comes and it goes based on our life experiences.  That realization creates a lot of space and fluidity around our lives, as we discover that all of our feelings come and go, show up and disappear, and we are left with innumerable moments where we can be connected, not just to other people in our lives, but to spirit. Working with vulnerability allows us to be more open when we realize its fleeting nature.  Even when we become preoccupied with our vulnerability, aloof and distant, we might choose to remember in that moment that spirit exists even when we feel unable to connect with it.  It exists whether we close ourselves off to others, or whether we open ourselves up.  That’s how vulnerability can help us, if we are willing to open to its possibilities.

In addition to her spiritual practices, Susan R. Quinn of the Quinn Company has been an independent consultant and trainer since 1978.  She specializes in facilitation of problem solving for teams and groups in conflict.  She is certified to train using the DiSC Personal Profile System.  Her other best-received training programs are “Dealing with Difficult People,”  “Managing Conflict,” and “Learning to Live in the Eye of the Hurricane.”  She also offers values clarification workshops and strategic planning services in partnership with her husband, Jerry.  To subscribe to her business ezine, go to www.thequinncompany.com.  You can reach Susan at the Quinn Company, 246 Via Presa, San Clemente, CA  92672, (949) 366-5890, or email susan@thedeepestspirituallife.com.