Impermanence

Life is a good teacher and a good friend.  Things are always in transition, if we could only realize it.  Nothing ever sums itself up in the way that we like to dream about.  The off-center, in-between state is an ideal situation, a situation in which we don’t get caught and we can open our hearts and minds beyond limit.  It’s a very tender, non-aggressive, open-ended state of affairs.—Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart

Life is changing constantly, even though we don’t notice it.  Molecules in a chair are constantly moving; we consistently move the air with our in and out breaths.  Flowers bud, bloom and eventually die.  It’s the natural course of life.  But we resist the obvious—impermanence—when faced with its truth.

We expect and desire that everything stay the same.  Friends should always be loving and understanding.  The car should start every morning.  We should never get sick.  On one level we know these things aren’t possible, but we desire them anyway.  Certainty.  Stability.  Predictability.

When we begin to digest that impermanence is a staple of life, we start to live life differently.  We begin to open to the present moment.  Our past and the possibilities of the future play less of a role in framing our outlook and attitudes about life.  We begin to appreciate the ever-changing nature of things, the beauty in these subtle transformations of life, even while we notice our wish to keep things the same.  Life teaches us that we have very little control about outcomes.  There are certainly times we can make choices, but there are many more times when life seems to lift us up and carry us along like tumbleweed captured by an indifferent wind.  Do we complain about our lack of control, or do we surrender to life’s possibilities and celebrate the many ways we can contribute?  Those choices are the ones that call to us as spiritual beings.  We can either lament about the losses, difficulties, and changes that we must bear, or we can recognize the many, many small moments of satisfaction we receive when we share a smile, a kind word or helpful hand.

Recently I lost a very dear relative.  It was not only painful for me, but painful to bear witness to the impact of her death on those closest to her.  I experienced sadness and confusion about her untimely death.  I knew she was a deeply religious person, and knew that at some level she and I had connected through our very different spiritual traditions.  I recognized this was an opportunity for deep spiritual practice, for me to open up to my own sense of loss, the cycle of life that doesn’t always conform to my expectations, and my personal belief that she would be fine, whatever her transition would be.  For me, in some sense, she would never be gone, because she lives in my memories, is imbedded in my suffering in the present, and will somehow influence my own future dying with the courageous and optimistic views she held, right up to the end of her life.

So what do we do when we are faced with the impermanence and uncertainties of life?  One choice is to give up a commitment to spirit, to immerse ourselves in the material world, indulge in hedonistic pleasures, and concentrate only on ourselves.  As we take these steps, we can’t help but notice eventually that these pursuits only make us hungrier, greedier and more self-centered.  We discover there is no end to filling that place within that is insatiable and constantly desiring.

If we decide not to give up, we can recognize that our obvious lack of power in life allows us to surrender to each unfolding of experience, and to embrace a spiritual life that can guide us through our constantly available resources of deeper wisdom and compassion.  A spiritual life reminds us that although things are changing all the time, we can be determined and passionate about our desire to appreciate our constantly shifting lives, just as they are.  And when we can’t appreciate what life is offering us, we can connect to universal or Divine energy for solace, patience with our condition, love for our own suffering and vulnerable selves, and nurture our willingness to stay open to joy or pain, reward or disappointment, gain or loss.  If we accept impermanence into our spiritual practice, it becomes not an omen of loss, but a companion for life.

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In addition to her spiritual practices, Susan R. Quinn of the Quinn Company has been an independent consultant and trainer since 1978.  She specializes in facilitation of problem solving for teams and groups in conflict.  She is certified to train using the DiSC Personal Profile System.  Her other best-received training programs are “Dealing with Difficult People,”  “Managing Conflict,” and “Learning to Live in the Eye of the Hurricane.”  She also offers values clarification workshops, and strategic planning services in partnership with her husband, Jerry.  You can reach Susan at the Quinn Company, 246 Via Presa, San Clemente, CA  92672, (949) 366-5890, or email susanquinn@earthlink.net.