Listening to Silence

"Listen to presences inside poems,
Let them take you where they will.
Follow those private hints,
And never leave the premises." -The Essential Rumi, translations by Coleman Barks with John Moyne

Silence is an underappreciated gift, one that we forget to welcome and that when present, can make us uncomfortable. It tells us that nothing is happening, that something is missing or amiss, and that we must overcome it or avoid it. But, in fact, silence is essential to the spiritual life. It allows us to collect ourselves when we are scattered, calm ourselves when we are agitated, and center ourselves when we are absent. I'd like to explore how silence can assist you in experiencing Spirit in your life, and ways that you can welcome and appreciate the gift of silence.

One of my favorite times is evening, when my husband and I sit in a corner of our living room, each in our own reading chair, with a favorite book, in front of the fireplace. Sometimes we turn on the fountain, listening to the water singing over a stone; other times we play music and dwell in Mozart or Bach. But sometimes the most filling moments are those when we simply read in silence. I think at times that we turn the pages of books quietly unconsciously, to avoid disturbing our peaceful moments.

Silence is glorious to listen to. It allows us to drift, or to rest, or to simply "be." It makes no demands, has no expectations, except to be with us, to soothe us and feed us. Silence is the dwelling of the sacred. When we breathe in silence, we feel ourselves expand. If we feel constricted or upset, silence creates space for whatever we bring to the moment. Anger, fear, joy, confusion, disappointment, delight, pleasure are all welcomed by silence. It invites us in, opening the door to being our truest selves, with no limits. It allows the sacred to express itself in us and assists us in opening to that experience, without distraction or demands. It encourages us to slow down, to be nurtured by its gentle energy, to be still.

But we seldom have opportunities for silence. From the moment we wake up, we are bombarded by the chatter of electronics, the voices of colleagues and clients, and the demands of our own minds. So that when stillness and silence present themselves, we feel awkward, like the moment has made a mistake, created a vacuum that must be filled and put right. After all, what might happen in silence? Something new and different? Something threatening or foreign? Or nothing at all? I think it is that "nothing" that we fear most. Because to many of us, silence is the same as nothing, a void, bleakness, the dark hole.

So how do you grow to appreciate and allow yourself to embrace the experience of silence? You can do it a little at a time. You can let tiny pauses in your conversations become still moments. When you allow for silence, you find that something is born, an energetic bond or connection with another person that doesn't depend on words or ego.

Others might not appreciate your desire for silence; they may not have learned its teachings and or recognized its power. They might feel obligated to fill every moment with sound, or noise or activity. And you may not be able to change others' feelings about silence, so finding opportunities to celebrate it on your own might best serve you and those who surround you.

You can purposefully seek short moments of silence during the day: close the door, switch your telephone to voice mail, and breathe deeply. In this silence, you will notice all kinds of silence; rarely is silence pure. Most of the time silence is rich with creaks, squeaks, hums, rustles, outside sounds. Welcome these subtle sounds into your silence as its music and voice, or its companions. At night, find a few minutes when you can soak in the silence. Just listen, absorb, notice and allow yourself to sink into its richness.

The irony is that you might find that you become attached to having silence. Once you realize its beauty, you may grow to love it and resent when you can't have it. Part of our spiritual practice is that once we learn to want and find silence, we need to let go of our attachment to it. Although we can seek silence, we can benefit from letting go of our desire for it when the time is simply not available. If we just can't let go of our desire, then we can bring the desire into the silence, which can often soothe its grasping energy.

I'm a big believer in everyone finding moments of silence every day. It may mean driving in silence; or spending five minutes in silence at your desk each day; or praying silently for a few minutes before going to bed. Silence replenishes us when we feel wasted, and just like we benefit from feeding our bodies with nourishing food, or feeding our minds with learning, we are able to feed our souls-with silence.
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In addition to her spiritual practices, Susan R. Quinn of the Quinn Company has been an independent consultant and trainer since 1978.  She specializes in facilitation of problem solving for teams and groups in conflict.  She is certified to train using the DiSC Personal Profile System.  Her other best-received training programs are “Dealing with Difficult People,”  “Managing Conflict,” and “Learning to Live in the Eye of the Hurricane.”  She also offers values clarification workshops, and strategic planning services in partnership with her husband, Jerry.  You can reach Susan at the Quinn Company, 246 Via Presa, San Clemente, CA  92672, (949) 366-5890, or email susanquinn@earthlink.net.