Making Judgments

I believe that the fundamental message of religion is not that we are sinners because we are not perfect, but that the challenge of being human is so complex that God knows better than to expect perfection from us.—Harold S. Kushner, How Good Do We Have to Be?

    In every spiritual and religious practice with which I’m familiar, there are many discussions about judging others.  Some people interpret their scriptures to say that we shouldn’t judge, that only God might judge.  Others believe that we should only judge the sin or act, not the sinner.  I’ve decided that judging is much more complex than these or other similar ideas.  So I want to talk about how I see judgment as part of a spiritual life.

    When we judge others, we risk being negative and hurtful, whether we say something to them about their behavior or not.  For one thing, when we judge other people, criticizing or condemning them, we are often judging them according to our own beliefs and values, or because they don’t act or think the way we think they should.  Making these kinds of judgments isn’t bad, but when we treat other people according to how we feel about them (no matter how hard we try to be polite), we transmit the message that we think they are wrong—and, of course, that we are right.  We create barriers between others and ourselves because we have created sculptures of them, just like an artist would, and we assume that the like any sculpture, they are fixed and incapable of changing.  And in some ways, because of our expectations and the way we interact with them, we make it difficult for them to break out of their predictable and familiar ways of behaving, and we create tension between them and ourselves.  Most of the judgments that we make are about everyday events, based primarily on biases, preferences and desires.  They don’t demonstrate love and compassion for others who are different from us.

    When we get beyond the things that people do that only disturb, frustrate and annoy us, we encounter more menacing types of behaviors by others.  What about robbers, rapists, murderers?  Does Spirit demand that we refrain from judging people like these?  Does showing them only compassion in response to their cruel and devastating acts show spiritual integrity, if we don’t hold them accountable?

I don’t think so.

    The meaning of judgment in our 21^st century society has become misunderstood or misinterpreted.  I think we are called to speak up, evaluate, assess and determine our judgments when we see actions by people who wound or destroy other people’s lives.  I think we are called to recognize the paradox of judging as spiritual people.  The paradox is that I can look at a convicted rapist who was abused and violated as a child, and have compassion for his history; at the same time, I feel called to acknowledge that this person has committed a horrible act, and as a member of society (and of spirit) I am called to recognize his hideous act and its consequences, and have the courage to speak to it.  There are those who say that the person is not evil, only the act is evil.  But I find it interesting that when a person “commits” an act of goodness, we don’t insist that we can only call the act good:  we are more than willing to describe the person as good as well.

    I find that living with the paradox of making judgments is a helpful guide for me.  It allows me to consider that this person has lived a terrible life, and that his or her history may have brought him or her to the moment of violence or corruption, while at the same time I can honor that the concepts of good and evil (which appear in some form in every religion) can also be held as a standard for the same person.  This approach also honors those many people whose upbringings were also horrible, but somehow found the courage, support or determination to transcend their life experiences and choose to act with goodness and honor.

    I’ve also been told that we shouldn’t judge people as good or evil because it locks them into that way of life, at least in our own minds.  I do believe in the power of our thoughts, that we can influence others by the way we think about them.  And I also believe two other things:  that we are called to hold each other accountable for our behavior; and that with tenacity and determination, a person can transcend a lifetime of perceptions (of themselves and of others about them) and lead deeply meaningful lives.

    My hope for you is that you will not take the concept of judgment lightly.  We are called to hold each other accountable as spiritual beings, and to encourage each other to take a just path.  By judging others and letting them know our expectations for their behavior, we have the opportunity to tell them that we know—we know—that they can lead virtuous lives, and we support their following the path of justice and mercy, for themselves and for every person who touches their lives.

Recommendation:

Check out Phil Goldberg’s wonderful book, Roadsigns:  Navigating Your Path to Spiritual Happiness.  It’s an intelligent and heartfelt book that addresses the struggles of the spiritual path, and offers suggestions for navigating your path and going deeper.  You’ll enjoy Phil’s co-authored book, Making Peace with God, too.  For more information, see his website at www.philipgoldberg.com...............................................

                       
In addition to her spiritual practices, Susan R. Quinn of the Quinn Company has been an independent consultant and trainer since 1978.  She specializes in facilitation of problem solving for teams and groups in conflict.  She is certified to train using the DiSC Personal Profile System.  Her other best-received training programs are “Dealing with Difficult People,”  “Managing Conflict,” and “Learning to Live in the Eye of the Hurricane.”  She also offers values clarification workshops, and strategic planning services in partnership with her husband, Jerry.  You can reach Susan at the Quinn Company, 246 Via Presa, San Clemente, CA  92672, (949) 366-5890, or email susanquinn@earthlink.net.