Spirituality and Paradox

The Absolute works with nothing.  The workshop, the materials are what does not exist. Try and be a sheet of paper with nothing on it. Be a spot of ground where nothing is growing, where something might be planted, a seed, possibly from the Absolute.—The Essential Rumi

                When we immerse ourselves deeply in spirit, over time we begin to notice that life is rich with paradox.  Every time we want to make a stand, choose one side or the other, make ourselves right and others wrong, we realize that we are called to explore our intentions and motivations for taking a stand.  More and more we realize that life is endlessly complex, full of surprises and contradictions, and we continually try to fool ourselves into thinking that we can make sense of everything, understand our circumstances and life’s outcomes.  And then paradox walks in the door, an uninvited house guest and says, “Hi, everyone!  Guess who’s joining the party!”

                How does paradox manifest in a spiritual life? It shows us how multiple contradictory truths can exist with each other in the same reality.  For example, it tells us that we are the perfection, or that we are created in the image of God (depending on your religious tradition); yet we know that we are imperfect, often act ungodly, and are subject to making poor choices.  We are told that we are living the enlightened life, right here, right now, that we can live the life of holiness, that life is perfect just as it is; yet we are encouraged to seek more of the holy, to aspire to grow in our spiritual depth.  We are told to withhold judgment of others; yet we know that at times we must make distinctions, wise choices, to live the spiritual life.

                So we can spend a lot of time and energy denying that paradox has become a permanent houseguest, and resent the contradictions and confusion that it presents for us.  Or we can welcome paradox as a teacher, as a mentor and as a facilitator of our own spiritual growth.  Let me tell you one way I’ve worked with paradox in my life, as I struggle to deepen my own spiritual life, my relationships to my work and with those I love…

                I recognize that I have no choice but to practice my embracing of paradox.  I say “practice,” because it is an ongoing struggle to welcome paradox in my life, even though I recognize the inevitability of its presence.  For example, at times I am very direct in my comments to others.  Some people appreciate my directness and see it as strength; others see it as tactless and hurtful.  So, depending on my tone, word choice and the attitude of the person receiving my message, my direct style can be helpful, hurtful—or both!  By understanding the impact of my style, making it neither right nor wrong, I have learned to temper my directness by coupling it with compassion.  But in the moment when I want to share my comment, I have to be conscious, recognize my initial desire to have an impact on a person with my words, and at the same time, share my thoughts honestly and without malice—all at the same time.  So recognizing that my directness can be not my enemy, but my teacher, helps me grow.

                I recognize the tension that my attitudes about paradox create.  In situations where I want to take “this side” instead of “that side,” I notice the tension in my attitude and in my body.  I notice my wanting to take one side or the other, to know the “right side’ amidst the controversy and confusion.  I don’t want to stay in that place where no matter what I decide, someone will not agree with me.  I want to be popular in my views, accepted and appreciated.  So I stay in that place of tension, waiting to make a decision, when my temperament says, “choose.”  Yet paradox, tension (and I believe the Divine) teach me that making wise decisions is more valuable than quick decisions, in many cases.

                Paradox exists as I try to look at all sides, even while I may have a “side” of my own.  Moving back and forth, from one position to another, to examine, study, ask questions, and continue to clarify my own understanding is a dizzying and sometimes frustrating process.  On the one hand, in spite of my preference to stay neutral (which is generally impossible to do on an emotional level), I weigh other perspectives against my own.  I recognize that no matter how fair I try to be, I’m always working with my preferences, biases, worldview and a desire to be right.  And in this realization, I still move around the labyrinth of ideas, exploring, finding dead ends, thinking I have almost found the “best” answer only to discover that another idea or turn in the path has extended my need to go further, stay open and be patient.  While the judging part of me says I am being indecisive and weak, a stronger and higher aspect of me says I’m being patient, just and wise.

Finally, when I think I’ve collected sufficient information, rested in the tension of paradox, and traveled through the situation substantially, I may choose not to choose a perspective; or I may choose a perspective—but I will paradoxically hold that view firmly but lightly.  I will soften my stance, while standing my ground.  I will be clear on my outlook, but flexible in remaining open to new, especially contradictory, information.  I will risk being perceived as indecisive, controversial, inflexible, or simplistic (depending on others’ points of view).  But I will also be growing as a spiritual being, because I will know that I am being called to grow in my knowledge, wisdom, compassion and understanding.

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In addition to her spiritual work, Susan Quinn has been an independent consultant and trainer since 1978.  She specializes in facilitation of problem solving for teams and groups in conflict.  She is certified to train using the DiSC Personal Profile System.  Her other best-received training programs are “Dealing with Difficult People,”  “Managing Conflict,” and “Learning to Live in the Eye of the Hurricane.”  She also offers values clarification workshops, and strategic planning services in partnership with her husband, Jerry.  You can reach Susan at the Quinn Company, 246 Via Presa, San Clemente, CA  92672, (949) 366-5890, or email susanquinn@earthlink.net.