The Deepest Spiritual Life Ezine

A Monthly Publication, Issue #113 – January 2012

Publisher: Susan Quinn

http://www.thedeepestspirituallife.com

Living with Uncertainty: A Tribute to My Uncle

We walk shoulder-to-shoulder, as he stands behind his wheelchair and pushes it along. Our shoulders brush and we make small talk; he looks straight ahead, telling me how he’s been up and down the halls several times, and I tell him how I impressed I am with the progress he’s made. As we make our rounds of the hallways, my uncle greets every staff person and client (as he prefers to call them), and everyone returns his greeting with a smile; we finally take a break and sit in the lobby area. Everyone who walks by is caught up in the sunlight of his greetings and smiles.

He’s made many friends with staff and clients. He’s especially fond of Nadine, who is taskmaster (aka rehab person). Today she sits right next to me on the sofa, talking with me in a stage whisper about the mischief he causes and his spunk and determination. She looks over at him as she talks with me, as if we’re sharing a girlish conspiracy. He makes sure to let her know that he sees what is going on, calling her a slave driver with a playful grin. As if to confirm his assessment, she answers my question about whether he’s ready to walk again that morning by saying, “Sure get him up, make him walk!” Her brusque tone doesn’t disguise her pleasure at his hard work.

Then there’s Mary, who works in the dining room. She, too, has a mischievous grin, and calls everyone “darlin’.” Uncle asks in a faux demanding voice, “Where’s lunch?” She just responds, “Not here yet, darlin’—it’ll be here soon” in the southern drawl I just love. I’ve said to her, “They just ‘make nice’ to you ‘cause you’ve got the key.” (Mary carries the key to the ice cream freezer; there’s ice cream in the refrigerator’s freezer, but the stuff in the big freezer is the good stuff.) Mary responds, “Yeah I know.”

Various people sit with us at lunch. (Rather than eat, I nurse a cup of coffee.) Until she went to stay with her son a few days ago, Harvette was there; she’s one of the rowdy ones and can dish out the teasing as good as the best. She also prefers hot dogs to chicken or ham. Matilda is quiet but warm and friendly; she’s frequently outside, where she wheels herself to smoke her little cigars. And Steve, with his dry humor, makes sure that uncle doesn’t get the best of him when it comes to giving each other grief. He reminds everyone who’ll listen that he wants to be released by January 13, since that’s his birthday. No one misses Mary’s return to the dining room after the main meal; she heads over to the freezer; she doesn’t bother to ask the regulars what kind of ice cream they want, or whether or not they want any. She just dishes out their favorites and hands it to them with a, “Here ya are, darlin’.”

Recent days are shadowed by uncle’s questions and my aunt’s health. She’s been hospitalized with low blood count and an infection; uncle keeps asking when they will release her back to the facility, and today he is at the mercy of a hospital doctor who hasn’t returned the call of one of uncle’s caring and vigilant nurses. Uncle has lots of time to think and wonder, he tells me: what life will be like in the new place where they will be transferring him and my aunt; what it will be like to room with aunt, his bride of 64 years, as she sinks more deeply into Alzheimer’s disease and silence; what he will do when she is gone, since she is most likely to go before him. These are not problems to solve, but questions that drift by, that sometimes plague him, that can’t be answered. He can only move through each day consciously, paying attention, connecting with others: making sure he locks the wheels on his new walker; sharing a smile with everyone who passes by; teasing the regulars and startling others with his wit and charm.

And I’m learning about patience, mortality, attention; the importance of intimacy in touching shoulders, giving him a kiss, telling him I love him. And just being present, to listen.

[At this writing, aunt has recovered and uncle still forgets to lock the wheels on his new walker…]

Susan has been practicing Zen meditation for 18 years. She has a regular meditation practice and belongs to the Three Treasures Zen Community in San Diego, CA. Susan has also formed a meditation group in Poinciana, Florida, and teaches meditation. She was empowered as a Dharma Holder in December 2009. In addition to her spiritual practices, Susan has her own business, the Quinn Company, and has been an independent consultant and trainer since 1978. She specializes in facilitation of problem solving for teams and groups in conflict. She is certified to train using the DiSC Personal Profile System. Her other best-received training programs are “Dealing with Difficult People,” “Managing Conflict,” and “Learning to Live in the Eye of the Hurricane.” She also offers values clarification workshops and strategic planning services in partnership with her husband, Jerry. You can reach Susan at the Quinn Company, 134 Lemon Grove Drive, Poinciana, FL 34759, 863-393-8197, or email susan@thedeepestspirituallife.com.

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