The Metta Prayer:  Part 5

“We should distinguish pleasure from happiness.  Happiness is understood here to refer to a deep sense of fulfillment, accompanied by a sense of peace and a host of positive qualities such as altruism.  Pleasure depends upon the place, the circumstances, and the object of its enjoyment.  One can get pleasure at certain times and not at others.  It is bound to change.  Something that is pleasurable at one point might soon give rise to indifference, then to displeasure and suffering.  Pleasure exhausts itself in the enjoying, just like a candle that burns down and disappears.”  Matthieu Ricard, in Destructive Emotions:  How Can We Overcome Them,” a scientific dialogue with the Dalai Lama, narrated by Daniel Goleman, page 85

May you be filled with lovingkindness

May you be well

May you be peaceful and at ease

May you be happy

Matthieu Ricard nearly says it all in speaking about happiness, and how I understand the last line of the metta prayer, “May you be happy.”  Although there are many ways to define happiness, I’ve chosen to focus on a particular aspect in the context of the metta prayer.

Happiness as a State of Being

                As Ricard suggests, happiness frames the way we see the world.  It is more than just being optimistic or positive; to be happy is to choose to live life, embrace life, as a gift to be cherished and appreciated, no matter what is happening.  When life becomes difficult—we may lose a job, or we lose people we love, or a natural disaster occurs—we will naturally suffer.  When we’re suffering the most, however, we may remember at some level that the suffering is impermanent, and will continually change.  Our happiness gives us the ability and opportunity to remember that suffering is not a steady state, that within the suffering there will be moments of tenderness, reflection, even humor; this understanding allows us to breathe more freely, to open to the possibilities that each moment provides, and gives us solace.

Happiness as a Choice

                Saying “happiness is a choice” doesn’t mean that I can push away my suffering, ignore it, or get rid of it, which we are all tempted to do, so that we can feel better.  Eventually, when suffering isn’t faced, it can eat away at us when we don’t even realize it.  Choosing happiness also doesn’t mean that there is a schedule for how long we should suffer; every incident affects every individual differently; some of us move through our suffering quickly at a particular time, sometimes we take a long while to allow ourselves to experience it and then let it go.  The point is that we have a choice about how we hold the suffering, and our spiritual practice can assist us.  Do we indulge the pain, ignore it, or wear it as a symbol of our victimhood?  If we choose happiness, in the midst of our suffering we can paradoxically appreciate the sweetness of having loved ones around us, and the beauty that surrounds us, too.  And we open ourselves to the possibility of moving through our suffering and finding peace.

Happiness and Thoughts

                Our happiness, as a way of life, reminds us frequently that we are not our thoughts.  If we have sad or tragic or thorny memories or thoughts, those experiences are not who we are.  Although the experiences occurred, our views of them are our creations, illusions, dreams and do not make up who we truly are, our true selves.  That does not mean that they are not important or relevant to our lives, but like everything else, they will come and go, appear and disappear, and over time, often lessen in their intensity and prominence.  If we are happy people, and appreciate everything that occurs—which means embracing, but not holding on to our suffering—then we have the capacity to know that as the metta prayer wishes us happiness, it reminds us that life is precious, with all that unfolds, just as it is.