It’s that time of year again.  The holiday chaos is on!  And my wish for all of you is that the holiday spirit is engaging you, too.  I often hear people lamenting how these times can be so commercialized, materialistic and mundane, rather than a time for peace, love and spirit.  So I’d like to encourage everyone, regardless of what is happening in the greater world, to make this holiday time your very own.  Rather than caving in to the pressures, traditions and expectations all around you, how about celebrating this time of year, regardless of your religious persuasion, in a way that has meaning for you?

It’s Easy for Me to Say

                I grew up in a reformed Jewish home where there was a minimum of celebration, due to limited funds, and little spiritual celebration, since neither of my parents was observant and Hanukah is actually a minor holiday.  So I don’t come with baggage of what the holidays are like, what they can be, or what they should be.  As a result it’s puzzling to me how many people exhaust themselves during this time (although I sometimes wonder if the protestations and resentment afterward are part of the holiday ritual) and how they try to re-create a memory of the past.  Don’t misunderstand:  I think that meaningful ritual and activities can be wonderful—but not at the expense of the well-being of those who must plan and perform them.  So if I’ve tempted you to consider honoring this time of year differently, meaningfully, spiritually, here are some things you can explore—to make this holiday your own (and true to the spirit of your friends and family).

What are Your Traditions?

                First look at the rituals you carry out prior to the holiday:  decorating, parties, baking, sending cards, and so on.  I’m not suggesting you stop doing any of them.  But if you decorate your home, could you consider doing it more modestly, simply?  If you have a regular party during this time, might you plan it with others who can help you?  Or might you skip doing a party this year, or have a light dinner for close friends?  If you bake goodies, do you guilt yourself into doing it because “everyone expects it”? Or is it a loving ritual that deepens your connection to the all?  If you buy gifts, might you do an exchange that is simpler this year?  Of if you have a lot of family, might you draw names?  Or is the gift-giving something that everyone does because you’ve always done it?

Questions to Ask Yourself

                If you feel you need encouragement or a push from others to do things differently, why not talk to people who might help you to re-negotiate your planning?  Maybe they’d like to re-visit how they celebrate themselves!  Talk to people who will support your trying something new, filled with spirit and relationship.  If you have friends and family who are discouraging you, it wouldn’t hurt to explore their motives.  Are the traditions rich for them or are they locked in to doing things “right”?  Are they the kind of people who pitch in to help with different activities, or do they watch football games and leave before it’s time to clean-up?  Or do you not ask for help and then complain about how much you had to do yourself?

                More importantly, ask yourself more profound questions:  What do you want to express at this time of year?  Are the rituals and activities of the past a genuine expression of you and your family?  Which activities have lost their meaning?  Which things, even little things, could you change or let go of that might make this time a deepening, spirit-filled time for you?  How could you do a favorite ritual more simply so that it expresses your intention without wearing you out?  Rather than expressing the lack of spirit that you see around you, might you consider how to better feed the spirit within?

                May these times enrich your life, offer time for reflection and nurture the relationships with those you love.  With gratitude and love, Susan